As the summer season bears down upon us a few things in the wider world are slightly out of kilter, and are giving Donald Findlay QC a palpable sense of unease. And he is not the only one who should have a few things on their mind.

I hate change and I loathe surprises. Events should proceed in an orderly and predictable fashion or at least in what I perceive to be an orderly and predictable fashion. Germany beating England in a football match, a Williams winning Wimbledon, British failure at Wimbledon, Labour politicians bleating that the current economic crisis is ‘not our fault Guv’, are all positive indicators that the universe is in balance and in trim. And yet, I feel a profound sense of unease.

The same Wimbledon which re-assured me, managed to shake my very core. The omnipotent Federer being knocked out by someone I had never heard of and, an American (AN AMERICAN!) umpiring the Men’s Final at our tournament.

Argentina being coached by a small, over weight extra from the Godfather Part II.

A Liberal being Deputy Prime Minister – enough to make one shudder.

With the holiday season upon us, it set me thinking. Who else will find their sun bed a place for nervous retrospection rather than relaxation?

The Lord Advocate for one. As she is slapping on the Soltan, our Leader will have much to trouble her mind. Cadder will loom over her horizon like a hurricane. The prospect of thousands of cases requiring review would put anyone off their paella and chips. However, she may be comforted by the knowledge that her discomfiture is being shared by others.

If the Cadder decision goes as predicted, the prosecuting authorities will have the chance to react and this is likely to create a gloomy prospect for those accused of crime.

Six hours in the company of officers of law without a solicitor to hold your hand is no doubt a daunting prospect for many. But will it be such an advantage to have legal representation if the detention period is extended to twenty four hours with the prospect of a further judicial extension? I am inclined to think that the pressure of time is likely to loosen more tongues than the mere fact that the lawyer is sitting in his office or in a nearby corridor rather than at the elbow of his client. Change and progress are not always two sides of the same coin.

And what of my colleagues from the solicitor side of the profession? Frankly, rather them than me. Hour upon hour, day and night, stuck in police stations the length and breadth of the land! And I can readily comprehend the enthusiasm with which the Legal Aid Authorities will approach the challenge of picking up the tab for all of this.

But even those more important than the Lord Advocate, hard as it is to imagine such a creature, may be viewing the future with a feeling of ‘why me?’ George Osborne must have strode into the Treasury and sat behind his desk with an entirely justifiable smugness – Chancellor of the Exchequer – seen off Darling – and Brown. George Osborne – Chancellor of the Exchequer! Then the roof of his world must have fallen in when he discovered the scale of the mess he had been left. I read that officials are being tasked to find ways of cutting Departmental budgets by 25% and 40%. Now, if George has to pursue either of these options he will quickly discover how it feels to be as popular as a serial killer. At least he has a fall-back position. His second in command, Danny Alexander is a Liberal. Blame him. I always knew that the Liberals would come in handy for something.

But, hope springs eternal. Change for good is in the offing. Thanks to ‘I agree with’ Nick Clegg, the Hoi Polloi are being given the opportunity to suggest laws which should be changed – such as the serious crime of failing to report the presence of a grey squirrel in your garden.

Now, much as I hate change, (did I mention that ?) let me suggest a few possibilities.

Any male over the age of 16 who wears three quarter length trousers or a baseball cap in a public place should be considered to be a candidate for an order for lifelong restriction. If looking like a numpty isn’t a criminal offence, it should be.

All mobile phone should operate on ‘silent’. Ring tones should be banned.

Paper napkins in restaurants! Who in their wildest imaginings would seriously consider that I would need a glorified piece of toilet roll to accompany the consumption foie gras and canard sauvage a l’orange?

The use of Americanisms - any Americanisms – all Americanisms - but particularly stupid phrases such as ‘24/7’. ‘I’m on the go 24/7’. So, what do you do the other 364 days a year?!?

Boycott any business which electronically answers your phone call, offers you an endless series of options, none of which bear even a passing resemblance to the nature of your query, makes it virtually impossible to get through to a human being and when you do confronts you with a ‘service representative agent advisor consultant’ who does not even know the nature of their employer’s business.

Time Zones. The whole world should be on GMT. Problem solved.

On mature reflection, I still hate change.

End of rant.